FIRST ROUND

Duffies easily trample the creative americans for all the times they got driven over cliffs and whatnot. Payback is a featherduster, Indians!

Torontosaurus Rex, big and intimidimating, realizes just before it strikes that it is a native of the Black Land of Canada, and with the Ring long destroyed, it loses it animating force and crumbles to ash. A lonely blonde girl begins to cry. Stag beetle starts flexing.

Oregano-tangs swing around in the trees tempting the bully constrictors with the smell of pizza, but the constrictors pretaliate with a bicious strike, using up all their power points. Unfortunately this only gets them about two feet in the air, not even close to the crime-apes in the trees. While they are resting, the orange monkeys come down from the trees and eat them. They are reported to taste like chicken.

Kommando dragons deploy their squad in full night-vision, Delta-force level gear, and take the fish at unawares. The fish haven't even graduated from schools yet, so they are no match.

Bubblebees and tortugals. This is a hard one. I guess in the end the bees couldn't really do anything to hurt the hard-shelled corruptiles, and they die in weeks anyways. This becomes a battle of attrition which the tortugals win, even though they have no idea.

The bipolar bears are sitting around on an iceberg moaning about the meaning of existence, when suddenly a mighty brontosaurus rex comes thundering their way. Unfortunately for it, there is no solid land in the Arctic. It drowns and the bears suddenly become manic and start high-fiving and making plans for stopping this whole "global warming" thing. The next day, they've forgotten all that and are staring at their watches again hoping the 6-month day passes quickly.

Tiny Moo vs Asteroids. This is an easy one. TMM is nonchalantly walking home from middle school when all of a sudden trillions of meteors strike him from all angles simulmutaneously. No more TMM.

Regular sharks vs Regular snakes. This one's pretty much a draw, except the sharks win.

Great Big White Sharks get thrashed by angry fossils. They can't bite through them, they don't have disposable thumbs so they can really hold them or dig them out of the rock... The fossils are of even bigger crehistorical sharks and scare the great big whites to death.

Mini Baa attempts to live harmoniously with a group of pygmies from Papoose New Guinea and discovers only too late that they are head hunters. He watches in horror as they all de-head each other and then somberly leaves the billage, the only survivor.

Durglars vs doisonous moss. This one I don't even really want to talk about, let's just say the moss wins so we don't have to bring up you-know-who's again in the next round.

Nile broccolidiles vs dangeroos. Dangeroos are allowed to wear boxing gloves and beat the alligators nonstop for at least 40 minutes. At this point, they are completely exhausted, and the the broccolidiles eat them whole.

Dooishes are the opponents no one wanted to face in this tournament. Of all their potential proponents, though, they've drawn the worst ones. And not only that, but the drawing look like the real things! The black boo kings show up in full Level 4 biohazard suits and spray gallons of Vay-Poo-Rize from high pressure hoses on the unsuspecting foes. Too bad, no more dooishes.

Umpire bats successfully use their sonicair to steer around the huge tree and aboid collisions. But eventually they get old and die. The sequoias win eben though they have no brains.

Elephants trample the giraffaloes and then stomp on their necks for fun and because they enjoy pointless bloodshed. The end.

Hmm, bobbleheads bersus chicanos. I don't really know what chicanos are except I think they're like those house elves in Hairy Potter, and have to work in taco trucks and clean up after magical white people. I feel pretty sorry for them, so I'm gonna give them a bit of an unfair advantage: Legal status and miminimum wage. Still, the bobbleheads confuse them and murder them.

Down to 16! Woo Hoo!!!! (hoo). I can't wait till the next round.