When was history?

(Some war from history or something)
We're gonna take a break from the aminal showdown for a day or so, just to build up the suspense. I was pretending to listen to Tiny Moo Moo this morning at breakfast, and while I had a big spoonful of Leche-O's in my mouth, it precurred to me: How long ago was history?

You hear about all these wars and all this stuff, and my textbook at school has some cool picture of tanks and nuclear missile silos, but it said it happened in the past. It seems like everything happened in the past! When did all the amazing stuff in my history book (and even all the boring stuff like freeing slaves, votes for girls...zzz...) actually occur? I know it must have been before the school year started or else how could they have written a book about it? Unless they asked that Nostrilodominus guy, but I heard he was just lying and took all the Beatles' money and stuff.

And I don't even think these books are brand new. Mine has cows' names written inside the cover of it for at least 4 or 5 years. And the book says "Third Edition" which either means it's three years old or it's the third time they had to print it, probably became too many cows were scribbling on the pages and stuff, just like I uh..., um... never mind.

I'm gonna take a rough guess and say that history must have happened between ten and fifteen years ago. In fact, I'm 15 right now! So it has to be at least that old. I think prolly history happened right before I was born, maybe a year or two earlier, so they had time to set everything up, inbent stuff, write all these books, build cities, have the 100 years' war, figure out the 11 herbs and spices, and invent microchips and stone tools.

But here's the clever part: It couldn't have been much earlier than that, because otherwise Duke Nukem Forever would be finished by now. I hear it's coming out pretty soon.