The Encephalopedia

Just out of curiosity, I looked up Tiny Moo Moo in the big encyclopedia in his room (not mine, I have magazines about dirt bikes and heavy metal and stuff), and they had one of those big family trees that shows all the different animals and what they're related to. Some of them are way up in the air and they're supported by lines or sticks to other ones below, who I guess have to try to balance them up there while at the same time standing on their own stilts for the guys below to balance. It's really weird, because that's not how the animal kingdom works. I mean, I was just at Sheep's farm and I saw all his ducks, chickens, cows, pigs, and stuff, and it was nothing like that. They were all on the ground.

Anyways, this was a big chart that folded out and stuff, so I ripped it out and snuck it into my room in case he came in suddenly or something. I looked for an animal that looked like me (or ancient moo moo, etc.). I found a pretty close match except with different leather, but I guess some enpsyclopedias don't divide cows into nooises, dooishes, mooishes, booishes, cow-land-land-cow-land-cow-land-cows, and some others we won't talk about, like red boo kings and pullies.

So there was just this one "regular" cow I guess that was supposed to stand for all of us, you know one of those black and white dairy cows we all appreciate so much for their sacrifice, and it said the scientific name was Bos taurus in the family Bovinae. That's pretty awesome when you think about it. "Hello, my name is Boss Taurus. Nice to meet you. Here's my million-caliber handgun." Man, that really IS cool. I couldn't find anything about Bovinicus nuscularis, but the encephalopedia is pretty old. Maybe there will be pictures of me flexing and stuff in the sequel whenever it come out.

What's even more curious, though, is there appears to be an aminal called a "lechwe"!!! Unfortunately it doesn't seem to have anything to do with milk. It's prelated to the cantelopes in Africa and apparently it can fly:

Its full scientifical name is Kobus leche, if can you believe that. Hard to see much of an udder on this thing but maybe they're one of those animals that just has some tiny spouts you have to look for, but once you find them they're like tiny gateways into a huge reservoir of Vitamin D-enriched goodness. Also, the Kobus part explains why they can they can jump so high!

I really want to check one of those out next time I go to Africa for the first time.

Well, getting back to our story, I finally found something that looks like TMM, and I had to go all the way to the invertebrate branch to find it. It gets all confusing and there's all these different species of the same one (individual) animal, but one of the name is Gratopsaltria nigrofascata, which sounds like a good one for the old bro. Let the teachers next year wrestle with that one during roll call! Also, next time he bugs me about cleaning up after myself or taking my turn at the dishes or something, I'll just tell him to get lost and take his carapace with him. Or hor hor. Here's his glamor shot by the way. Looks a little like Bictoria Veckham! NOT.

Tiny Moo Moo, aka Gratopsaltria nigrofascata